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Cr​é​ation

by nat

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1.
Out of Time 05:20
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where do i begin? again? alone in the dark you find out who you really are of what am i made? only emptiness and rhythm the world is sound drips drips drips and drops drops drops surround but integral man is free of time no past no present no future such things become absurd time don't pass it just stays where it is but if it all must end then it all must have begun somewhere somehow some t t t t time like this song like this phrase like this w w w w word if my soul goes on did i always exist? was i here all along? was i there before time? out of sp - a - a - a - a - ace and t t t t t t t t t time time less ness out of time time less ness out of time back in black before time back in black
2.
Ground Zero 04:14
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blind, i hear sound beyond walls beckoning time's siren calls birth is dead ahead a time of my own life is dead ahead how could i have known? to begin is to move toward the end at ground zero it's time to go knowing there is an end is starting to live so go! starting with nothing that's really something starting is everything born out of nothing starting with nothing that's really something it's all out of nothing and that is everything discovering zero it's more than you know all of value at instant zero a placeholder for all that is free now the soul is surrendering it's freedom to sing takes a body of clay on this the first day in order to sing like the cosmos sang coming on with a bang singing out with a bang ringing out from a bang
3.
First Things First 07:25
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i want my first to be golden and although it's already paling i keep telling myself this will be the one this will be the one and i'm halfway there when i want to turn and run back home just to take that first step upon the stair this will be the one i don't want to oh but i do and i want to oh but i don't i'm just as scared and alone as you but this is something i've got to do myself myself myself myself my first is always golden star gazing from my safety zone the possibilities are endlessness but never here right now is my mind on what a mighty fine foolish way that i did spend today dreaming all about tomorrow to which i may never get to say hello i don't want to oh but i do and i want to oh but i don't i'm just as scared and alone as you but this is something i've got to do myself myself myself myself i'm looking for a way to get out of my own way it's out of my hands it's out of my head it's buried in my bones deep in my DNA looking for a way to get out of my own way abandoned by courage deserted by logic when you don't even know everything you thought you knew but driven by instinct somehow you just know the way the way is the way is the way is the way is the way is …
4.
White Light 11:07
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through to December a queen's fat lie rings out a pearly gong my word a humour bomb sound on hold go slow it won't it won't stay long say not a sausage timely fashion can time is clapping time is rope for hanging too a five fingered knife push comes to shove boring entrails hollowing hollowing through why ever come with wood and strings why ever come to sad sings why ever did the many sing sing and shout of the few to rhyme land and then i'll sell myself while i pray for green through white cut the riddles clean float the wallowing sea go slow it's hot it's hot and tight the time luck myth the available trend time is clapping time is rope for catching falls sun crashes through night bathing in the light thaw hut choking with snow tall it's no fall how ever does a new song begin how ever does a song sing how ever come the heady sing sings and sounds out so true all you ever see of me is not what's underneath all you ever seem to see that's all you really seem to see of me do i dare be one of those who shines white light and wants to show the outsider steps into the spotlight blindingly bright it's hot and tight the sun crashing like cymbals splits apart the sky o violent light o giver and taker of life the transformer summons forth another life all too aware that all must die from just a glint in the eye to explosions in the sky
5.
Games of Sets and Matches 05:25
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hey i know a million other songs start this way but that's okay hey let's put it this way i'm game if you are game let's play let's play let's play let's play a little back and forth down south up north you first me second and or third and fourth or we can always switch we are here now here we are back and forth third and fourth put this here and put that there quick slow down quick hit the brake before we break if you make a mistake just do it again they'll think it's what you meant dancing on the ceiling fucking without feeling love without confusion it's all illusion see look at this way the circle is a square he says get lost, get found or get lost or we could just get lost if you make a mistake just do it again they'll think it's what you meant and if it's good do it again repetition again and again i can hear chanting in the distance can't you? we'll come back to that do what you can with what you have right now written in Infinite Jest: "and lo, for the earth was empty of form and void. and darkness was all over the face of the deep. and we said look at that fucker dance." it takes one to know one it takes two to tango three cheers for the DJ and four on the floor five fingered discount six feet i'm under seven i'm in heaven and eight i'm on the black ball so many plans i'm out of headroom but deciding to do nothing is hardly a decision at all what's a free radical to do with all these maps and plans and charts and formulae colour by numbers and keep within the lines a free and independent may just choose to do so to know's one's limitations is to have none hey i know a million other lives and loves start this way but that's okay hey let's put it that way i'm game if life's a game let's play let's play let's play a little back to front publicity stunt i keep thinking who's keeping score or remembers the number we started with we can hear now hear ye hear ye back and forth play the ball you put this here i'll put that there get down quick i'll hit the spot before i stop if you make a mistake just do it again i'll know exactly what you meant running without panting singing without chanting new days replace the ancient ways yeah you could see it that way but this feeling is always there and if it's good do it again repetition again and again i hear chanting in the distance can't you hear it? we'll come back to that do what you can with what you have right now so many plans i'm out of headroom but deciding to do nothing is hardly a decision at all what's a free radical to do with all these maps and plans and charts and formulae colour by numbers and keep between the lines a free and independent may just choose to do so written in Infinite Jest: "you compete with your own limits to transcend self in imagination and execution. disappear inside the fame: break through limits: transcend: improve: win. you seek to vanquish and transcend the limited self whose limits make the game possible in the first place. it is tragic and sad and chaotic and lovely. life's endless war against the self you cannot live without."
6.
Echoes 05:22
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i'm making me over i'm making new out of the oldest stuff (we're all made of starstuff) echo! echo! with all the doubles that i've made echo! echo! sending out another wave every wave that breaks it shapes and makes an echo go through me it shakes and breaks kicking through the sand the time it's taking to know myself is the time it's taking to go right back around to the start (we're all made of starstuff) echo! echo! to make is to break echo! echo! and to break is to make make the silence break some noise every atom in me was something else before but every atom in me has never been right here right now before you'll find nothing that's done today is nothing more than an echo of ancestral days (we're all made of starstuff) echo! echo! everything that you've been through echo! echo! and everything you will ever do echoes through you now and it is what makes you you and it is what makes me me it's all creation to make is to break and to break is to make it makes me make me
7.
A Single Cell 06:36
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I'm just a single cell Come to know thyself I’m a cold hard floored Low ceilinged four walls Just a single cell In a full body In a full bodied scream Just a single scream In the emptiness of space Just a single space Between the atoms in a cell Just a single cell Just a single cell Just a single cell Just a single cell Just a single cell Just a single cell Just a single cell Just a single cell
8.
Liquid Architecture (Be As Water) 06:30
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ask me my name i’m not my word ask me my land i’m not my birth ask me my breed i am not my herd ask me my race i’m not my skin ask me blood i’m not my kin ask me crime i am not my sin shapeless formless be as water shapeless formless just as water i take the shape of my container ask me my creed i’m not my faith ask me my culture i’m not my taste ask me my poison i am not my waste ask me my gender i’m not my sex ask me my measure i’m not my test ask me my errors i am not my wrecks shapeless formless be as water shapeless formless just as water i take the shape of my container ask me my say i’m not my voice ask me my vote i’m not my choice ask me my fight i am not my cause ask me my lord i’m not my boss ask me my strength i’m not my force ask me my pain i am not my loss shapeless formless be as water shapeless formless just as water i take the shape of my container
9.
Poly 05:06
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look in the mirror into those eyes try to see through that disguise of all the faces they wear which one is I is I just one or more the part of me that wants to be known by everyone needs to be shown the part of me that needs to be left unknown iI’m not just one, i’m more look in your mirror iInto these eyes try to see through this disguise of all the faces i wear which one am i am i just one or more i’ve got this sinking feeling but it’s okay i’ve got this big idea but it’s okay i can hold these many truths all at once i’m not just one, i’m more i do contain multitudes you too contain multitudes we’re not one we’re more
10.
Expressway I (Some Dreams) 03:08
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fresh as a wish wet as a kiss here’s my little song goes something like this some dreams don’t come true some dreams just come through the night and are gone as quickly as the dawn heard but unheeded offered but unneeded this song in the night now superseded some dreams don’t come true some dreams just come through the night and are gone as quickly as the dawn god this night is so long i’ve forgotten which side i’m on how am i supposed to feel what is even real as every night falls so every morning breaks some dreams don’t come true some dreams just come through the night and are gone as quickly as the dawn shine sun down blind fun town winding run around mind unsound i don’t know which one of me is singing this wearing some face i don’t know i will concede you took a part of me but it’s nothing won’t grow back again some dreams don’t come true some dreams just come through the night and are gone as quickly as the dawn
11.
Expressway II 07:47
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there is just one now out of time and out of space whenever you hear this it will be now out of line and out of place yesterday can wait tomorrow will never know at ground zero i gotta go gotta stop waiting for the right time time is already clapping don’t assume the position somewhere between the thought and the action time is already clapping and nothing comes out of nothing there’s always something when you don’t know anything about anything but you always thought you did at least that’s something so first things first step by step just take the one waves of light, or particles of light, I love the light shining on me one flash of light, can’t get enough light, keep keep keeping me light on my feet here in the spotlight here in the hot light here in the bright light here in the white light the light is on forget yourself with the torchlight on i forget myself do what you can with what you have right now echo echo yesterday we’ll remember echo echo tomorrow we forgot i’ll take the shape that I’ll become i do contain multitudes you too contain multitudes we’re not one we’re more asleep so long this show goes on on the expressway coming home i’m coming home
12.
Reality Check 02:25
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clear eyed beneath a furrowed brow a belly full an empty bowel even after I’ve flown the coop you dear listener complete the loop now it’s over I’m done what’s been and never been, they’re one yet around and around it goes all creation as if real a visitor just passing through not gone just transformed into… “where do I…?”

about

Ah the blank page. Hello my old friend. Here I am again, Back in Black Light.

Where do I begin? I mean, literally. Was it at conception or birth? My atoms pre exist me by millenia. Could I have an essential self that is timeless? Is that where my creation begins? Maybe trying to imagine existing before coming into physical being will reveal something essential about myself. What can I make of it… (Out of Time)

If I want to make something, and make something of myself, then I’ve got to start somewhere. My creation can begin without prior knowledge of how it will end, but I know that it will end. Maybe the best way to begin is to know that nothing really comes out of nothing… (Ground Zero)

That first step, so ripe with potential, is the hardest step to take. No one can do it for me, I’ve got to do it myself, but at the same time I need to realise that I am my own biggest obstacle… (First Things First)

Here I am on the road, the Transformer (Into the Void).

The steps multiply and a mysterious momentum takes hold sustained by some kind of energy. Is it an energy from within or from without? Like a seed triggered by the warmth of the sun, my creation blossoms and blooms... (White Light)

I just want to make stuff up but I cannot escape the ancient rituals. I can be playful and make my creation into a game but games have rules. But then again, maybe even the rules are made up… (Games of Sets and Matches)

The raw material I use to create already exists and has already been made into something before. I cannot escape how the past shapes my creation and how imaginings of the future shape it too… (Echoes)

OK, I am halfway there. Time to take stock of my Life Signs O the Times (Like These).

What is the essential element of what I am making? The littlest piece of my creation? Of me? If I can identify the basic building block then maybe I can start building something bigger, bigger than myself… (A Single Cell)

There is so much in my creation that is predetermined, that I cannot choose. It can feel so constraining, so limiting to the essential. Perhaps it is best to just go with the flow… (Liquid Architecture (Be As Water))

But of course, there are many forms my creation can take. Naturally, it takes different forms at different times. In fact, my creation is many things all at once… (Poly)

Now my creation has a life of its own. In constant movement it expresses itself, separate from my attempts to define it. My hopes and dreams for its potential fall by the wayside… (Expressway I (Some Dreams ))

I look back at all the steps it took to get my creation to this point. I revisit the making, noticing how even the retelling of my creation story reshapes what my creation is now… (Expressway II)

My creation is done, mistakes and all. It is over to you now. And yet the ending is just another beginning. The cycle starts again, repeats. Maybe forever… (Reality Check)
Nat
September 2023

credits

released September 30, 2023

Arrangement, performance; production, engineering, mixing; art direction, design; and
all tracks written by nat

Mastered by Tony ‘Jack The Bear’ Mantz at Deluxe Mastering, September 2023

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nat Melbourne, Australia

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